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I am new here. This is my first post. I'm a pansexual whatever who is finally tired of being forced to act masculine. My family was very abusive to me and because I was sensitive and thoughtful and this wasn't conducive to the unpaid farm labor they needed me for. I was raised home schooled in complete isolation and any deviation (especially sexual) was met with it being dragged out in front of my younger siblings where I was shamed and humiliated for it. My first year of college I finally got to try being myself and having real social interaction despite only being allowed to commute. Its taken be a lot of work since then to even be able to have a conversation with another person without having a panic attack. I am not flamboyant but I still get bullied, teased, and shunned for not being an alpha male and I'm weak in the knees at the moment with frustration at being this in-between punching bag of a human bitch person. I would rather be all out trap girly if I'm going to be treated like this. It feels right to me and I hope that for all this beating me down there I still something to build up.All that being said, anyone have any advice on how I can tweak my appearance. I'm afraid to outright go on hormones because my mental stability is shaky at best. ;-;
I'm in the same boat except my situation is urban, not rural. I immediately thought of how I would work my butt off and write sensitive but veiled poetry in a field on your personal hell they call a farm.
You should try take it smoothly you're not going to be a woman overnight, even non transwomen have to grow into womanhood from being a girl.
To be honest, if you're not happy being a male/masculine etc and would rather be feminine/female/notmale and have thought about hormones alot, I'd just give it a shot. You can just stop if you're not happy with your mental stability, you're in control of the pills! And you'll know pretty quickly if it's not for you, from what I've heard (it was totally right for meeee so I'm not sure what hormones not working is like).